Commentary: Being a military spouse means looking forward, not back

  • Published
  • By Michelle Balatero
  • 18th Wing Public Affairs
KADENA AIR BASE, Japan --  I became a military spouse almost four years ago after marrying then Airman 1st Class Bernabe Balatero, Jr. Like many other military couples, we married fairly quickly with a small wedding that we promised would be redone on a grand scale in years to come. 

For me, the past four years have been an extended period of adjustment and nostalgia. While I am grateful for the security and benefits the military has provided us, life as a military spouse has not always been easy. 

It has never been hard for me to grasp the concept of how fortunate my family and I are to live a stable life. I am thankful for all my blessings, such as the opportunity to live overseas and raise my daughter in a safe community. However, there are other factors that have challenged me in my role as a military spouse; the biggest has been sacrifice. 

When I first joined my husband on island in the summer of 2005, I was completely elated to finally be with him, but also sad about the life I had left behind. At one point, I started to question my decision to become a military spouse . Having been an Army brat for most of my life, I never thought I would marry a member of the Armed Forces. 

Some say that when you marry someone in the military, you not only marry them but you also marry the military. My life would now be dependent on my husband's career, and his career would be dependent on the military. That was difficult for me to accept because I have always strived to be independent, and marriage to him now meant that wherever he had to go, I would most likely follow. 

One of the biggest obstacles for me to accept was the ability to deal with what I left behind; my family, my friends, and my goals and aspirations. I dreamt for so long and worked even harder to get where I wanted to be, only to leave it all behind. While it was tough to get over, I decided I needed to deal with the cards I was handed. As they say, 

"Life is what you make of it." While my life had completely changed its course, it did not mean that I had to dwell on what could have been. Instead, I adjusted my goals to fit my current life as a military spouse and based my decisions on what is most beneficial in the long run for me and my family. 

One of my goals was to graduate college "on time", or four years after I graduated high school. I refused to put this goal on hold and was determined to achieve it despite marrying, re-locating, and having a child. 

After becoming a military wife and mother, I knew that my major had to change to something more stable and applicable yet, still of interest to me. So from mass communications, my major became finance - another passion of mine. With the support of my husband, I was able to graduate with honors this past May making my goal of graduating "on time." 

I am fortunate to live in a time and age where being a military spouse is not as difficult as it was years ago. I completed my education abroad and stay well-connected with my family and friends. While it has not been easy, becoming a military spouse has changed my life for the better. I took a huge step in life outside of my comfort zone that I may not have done otherwise. With this opportunity, I was able to focus on finishing my degree and start making a future for myself with my new family. 

I also grew a much deeper respect for my father, a retired Army Sergeant First Class, and my mother, a military spouse for twenty years, as well as all of our military service members and their spouses. I have actually been so inspired that I have chosen a path I never thought I would -to join the United States Air Force as a commissioned officer. Needless to say, I have grown much more here than I probably could have ever grown back home in this short period of time. 

Though I am not certain where the military will take us in the next four years, let alone fifteen to twenty years, I do know I cannot live by looking back , but instead by moving forward. 

(Mrs. Balatero is a volunteer in the 18th Wing Public Affairs office.)